Do you feel alone when you’re by yourself?
If you feel alone when you’re by yourself, that means you are not giving yourself the fulfillment that you need. Most people date for typical reasons. Emptiness, loneliness, boredom, or simply looking for a soulmate. “Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation.”
Wow! So again, do you feel lonely when you are alone? That unpleasant emotion that you’re feeling is your mind telling you that you need companionship. Don’t get me wrong, having a soulmate, a partner, a best friend is something that we all long for, but deep down inside, are we taking the right steps towards finding that person? Dating can be a challenge. It is all in what you make of it.
As kids, we are taught that the ultimate goal in life is to grow up, get married and start a family. Unfortunately, we’re all not dealt the same hand. There are plenty of factors that play a role in many of our lives that block that fairy tale ending. Your king or queen could fall right into your hand, but it’s hard for you to feel fulfilled when you don’t even know what it takes to make yourself happy.
Most people walk out within the first week of dating someone new once they discover a personal or physical flaw. They are looking for perfection when perfection doesn’t exist. That’s when the “build a spouse” effect takes place. The “build a spouse” effect takes place when you’re taking bits and pieces from one person and trying to apply them with characteristics of another.
Take, for instance, he or she is financially stable but lacks in the bedroom. Do you openly communicate with that person or do you share how unhappy you are with a person who you know shows interest in you? You are pretty much giving that person the blueprint on what it takes to make you satisfied. You don’t thoroughly check out of the previous situation because that person provides stability, but does not satisfy you in the physical form. Have you ever stop to think that maybe that person lacks in the physical form because they are over exhausting their energy into their work so they can provide for you?
It’s just dinner and a movie, right? That’s how it begins until you discover this person has way more baggage than you are willing to unload. “Check please!” That’s what you are thinking in your head, “this is over, I don’t know why I accepted this offer” so what do you do next, “I’ll be right back, I need to go to the restroom.” Now we all know that restroom break was to contact “Plan B” because “Plan A” just blew it when you found out that they broke up with their ex last week. Ask yourself, did you even give this person a fair chance before you are seeking refuge in someone else?
Ladies, what about that “wyd” text after midnight? Do you think you were the first “wyd” or the second, the third? What you don’t know is, you are under attack by a serial dater. You are being contacted by someone who is looking to fulfill a void by anyone available. Are you lonely too? Did you respond to the text knowing what the outcome would be once you respond? Exactly, my point! Your time and energy area super valuable, and if you are not protecting that, it can become your downfall.
Everyone doesn’t deserve the best version of you, hell, they don’t even deserve to know anything about you. The next time you feel alone, do something more productive with your time like reading a book, writing, praying, or identifying what it is that you are really looking for. If you don’t take the time to set boundaries, you cannot expect a stranger who knows nothing about you to respect those very same boundaries.
Love yourself, protect your peace, and give yourself the best version of you before you share it with anyone else.